Sometimes, dogs forget to ask

I mean, it's not like I can't hear him, from anywhere in our 1 bedroom apartment. He has the loudest whine I've ever heard. Or perhaps, that I didn't, at approximately 11:17 Monday night. That was the time when he, standing next to my bed, began the biggest whiz I've ever seen. He is a mere 47 pounds, and yet carries a 55 gallon bladder. Evidently. It was like watching Strange Brew, but without the fire, or jokes about Canada. At 11:31, when he finished, I honestly didn't know whether to fire up the Wet Vac, or take pictures for an insurance claim. Yeah, we have flood coverage. I don't think USAA envisioned that, though.

You know, I took him out for last call less than 90 minutes before The Great Wettening of 2008.

Really, I think this just marks an escalation in his war against carpet. Apparently vomiting grass up every few days just isn't enough, now he's gone..  here. I can already hear the Wet Vac crying in its closet at night, if Milo performs another 'troop surge,' I'm afraid I'll find it hanging by its cord, a (soggy) suicide note laying near by.

Dynamics of a Boring Afternoon (Or: During which I am unable to sleep)

Is boredom active or passive? Is it an active mood where you have to distract yourself out of it, or is it something that happens in the absence of entertainment? Like cold is the absence of heat, or reality television is the absence of talented writers?

I've always thought of boredom as what happens when you don't have anything interesting to do. But lately I've noticed that on days when I'm bored, it seems that nothing has the potential to interest me. So, having a day of boredom is becoming more like a day of depression, where the mood has little to do anything external.

And, being 3am, I should go and stare at the dark ceiling, rather than sitting at my desk, ruminating on the meaning of boredom.

Near Death Experience [Spam Poetry]

opened one eye blurrily and bright light added to the pain. I had onl VI AG RA [links removed]

Dead? I croaked. Floyd knelt and felt the pulse in his neck.staying clear of them. This was time and energy wasted, our founding says it looks like we are but really rooty-getooty! wouldnt be enough. In about two seconds there was going to be

Transformers Nobody Remembers

HiFi

A precursor to better-built Soundwave, Hifi was the first of the "Radio transformers." He had a turntable mounted to his chest, and as a result, could only talk while crab walking.

If he got punched in a fight, the next hour was spent repeating the same 1.5 phrase over and over.

Like Soundwave, he had a number of smaller transformers. Instead of ejecting and running into battle, however, they mostly fell to the ground and shattered.

Memoirs in 6 words

Smith Magazine (http://www.smithmag.net) has challenged people to tell their stories in exactly six words. An interesting project.

The home of sixwords:
http://smithmag.net/sixwords/

Here's my submission:
http://www.smithmag.net/sixwords/story.php?did=5428

Latest Chain I've been Sent

But, I refuse to respond via email. So, you get it here.

1. What is your occupation?
Programmer. Specifically, I write reports using Python.

2. What color are your socks right now?

White

3. What are you listening to right now?

M.I.A - Kala

4. What is the last thing you ate?

Barbeque Chicken Pizza, from Rockin' Tomato

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

I've been driving a standard so long that I really can't drive an automatic anymore. I keep trying to kick the parking brake to shift.

6. Last person you talked to on the phone?

Tonya

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

Yes. But more importantly is, seriously, would I say no if they're going to read this? This is a stupid question.

8. How old are you today?
31

9. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Baseball

10. What is your favorite drink?

Dr Pepper, with cane sugar. None of that High Fructose Corn Syrup crap.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Yes. Lightened to the point of redness. I liked it, and would have kept doing it if I didn't need the money to pay for therapy.

12. Favorite food?

Italian Subs

13. What was the last movie you watched?

Cloverfield. Though, in all honesty, I didn't watch so much as sit through it while trying to keep my lunch down. Loved it anyway.

14. Favorite day of the year?

Chicago Cubs' opening day.

15. How do you vent your anger?

I store it up for years at a time, and then explode when someone moves the mustard unexpectedly.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?

My penis.

17. What is your favorite season?

Baseball Season.

18. Cherries or Blueberries?

Cherries. This is kind of an inane question.

19. Do you want your friends to Email you back?

Sure.

20. Who is the most likely to respond?
21. Who is least likely to respond?

A response is not necessary. Let me be the one to put a stop to this particular chain.

22. Living arrangements?

Less important than funeral arrangements.

23. Do you embrace or fear technology?

I embrace it. Sometimes when Tonya's not looking, I'll make out with it, and take it to bed.

24. What is on the floor of your closet?

Completely satisfied technology. Also the last person who moved my mustard unexpectedly.

25. Who is the friend you've had the longest that you're sending this to?

Blogger?

26. What did you do last night?

Played World of Warcraft.

27. Favorite smells?

Jasmine. Coffee. Lots of other things I'm allergic to.

28. What inspires you?

The prospect of solving a problem in a unique way.

29. What are you most afraid of?

People who don't believe in evolution or that the earth is more than 6000 years old.

30. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? How is this a follow up to what I'm most afraid of? This is the most schizophrenic interview ever. Cheese, with smoked applewood bacon.

31. Favorite dog breed? Airedale. I have two of them, and have a difficult time imagining life without them. One of them broke Tonya's nose Wednesday, so she can probably imagine life without him pretty easily. She probably moved his mustard.

32. Favorite day of the week?

When are the Cubs playing?

33. How many states have you lived in? 5 and a half. Indiana, Michigan, Virginia, New York, Texas, and a 16 week stint in Mississippi.

Logistics of a Late Morning

I woke up late this morning, which meant I was late to work. It happens to be a busy day in the complex, so parking was limited. As in, unavailable. I spent 30 minutes driving around waiting for a space to open up. 30 minutes.

Now, this is a derivative problem to the real issue here. Austin traffic. There is absolutely no reason why a city of this size should have the traffic problems it does. But, we have a number of issues that combine to give us a headache of a traffic problem. First, nearly every car on the road during rush hour is single occupancy. Second, the housing situation (another issue entirely) is such that what is affordable is being pushed out further and further. I would love to buy or rent something closer to work, but it simply isn't within my budget. Third, Austin's public transportation system is woefully inadequate for commuting.

I dislike contributing to the problem here. So, what can I do?
1. Walk. I live 4 miles from work. It's a bit of a hike, but I could do it.
2. Bike. Even better than walking, save for one thing. The first two miles are on a highway service road. Terrifying.
3. Carpool. There seems to be a cultural bias here against carpooling. People are terrified of possibly not having a car at the exact moment they need it? I don't know.
4. Public transportation. Basically, for me, this would cut out about a third of the walk. Not bad, so long as the timing of the buses (not very good around here, typically) works in the morning.

Any ideas?

Ruminations on Motivation

I have lost some motivation in the last week or so. Now, before you yell at me in 24 point helvetica, yes, I'm aware that motivational issues aren't particularly new to me. However, as I've caught a glimpse of myself in the metaphorical mirror (and perhaps a glare, and a perplexed stare), I've found a little fuel in the tank which should help propel me down the hobby highway. With the occasional stop at a work truck stop. For pie, which is a metaphor for problem solving. See? I'm doing this metaphor thing today. Sit back and enjoy it, it won't happen again.

So, about a week ago, I was waylaid with the flu. Which is a metaphor for the flu (getting annoying? Okay, I'll stop.) Now, I'm supposed to be over it, but I just can't seem to find the energy to do anything. Is my body still the battlefield for some pathogen on a rampage? 'Spossible, though for the sake of my coworkers, I hope not.

I could go on, but I just don't feel like it.

Ocean Landing

I had a dream last night that I was flying somewhere, and there was some weather issues, and mechanical issues with the plane. This caused the jet to crash into the ocean. And I drowned.

Maybe I'm a little more congested than I thought.